We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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