There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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