So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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