I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
