I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
