After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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