in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
