she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
