He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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