Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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