I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
