I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
