We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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