do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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