I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
