Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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