so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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