Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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