I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
