rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
