You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
