Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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