i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
where am i from again
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
