So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
