Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
