Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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