...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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