You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
