its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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