I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
