If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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