If i come over, it means nothing
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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