Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
