The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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