true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
