I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
