Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
