Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
