Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
