I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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