His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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