Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please don't give away my fajitas
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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