okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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