i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
