Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
