we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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