a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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