You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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