i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is not my ceiling
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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