Im at strip club and am horny
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
