Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
