I want to have your abortion
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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